Politics and Blueberry Crumpets
by Taylor D.

Characters:
Anosah: Alorun’s twin brother. Naturally, he acts as his sister’s polar opposite. He is sickeningly optimistic, energetic, and extroverted. True to his personality, Anosah dresses in vibrant, mismatching colors, representing his great, but unharnessed creativity. This unharnessed creativity is actively funneled into the creation of personal mottos, of which Anosah assigns, unbidden, to his fellow committee members. These mottos are a source of annoyance to the others, and are generally ignored. Unfortunately, motto creation is not Anosah’s only quirk large enough to come into play. Anosah also has a habit of breaking into song when he feels the moment deserves musical illustration; often he is mistaken. The only adornment seen on his person is a cape, hinting of a difference between his time and ours. He is greatly respected as an idealist on the Governmental Creation Sub-Committee, however, his optimism toward new ideas allows his opinion to be easily swayed by propositions that appear new. The Alliance for Arcane Justice thus appears an appealing venture to Anosah, an attraction often discouraged by his sister, Alorun, and encouraged by Lasat.

Alorun: Anosah’s twin sister (fraternal of course). Alorun is, as stated previously, her brother’s opposite. Her personality consists of snide, sarcastic remarks, general pessimism, and introverted analysis of the situation at hand. She holds little sway over the sub-committee and, unlike her brother, her few propositions and many realizations are not widely regarded. Only Hotar seems to maintain a slight interest in Alorun’s analysis of governmental vice and virtue, and this may be due only to his unnecessary infatuation with her verbal strength and wit. Alorun’s garb consists of a plain, single-colored tunic, accompanied by identically colored trousers. She, unlike her brother, wears many adornments, each designed to represent a grand revelation about any number of things. Alorun’s gender is symbolic of a national prejudice against the female gender. She is obviously outnumbered by the other members by terms of sex, and her power of influence reflects it. Her world is one in which the terms of equality as it pertains to the gender have been lost to time, and her position is a very rare one. This may explain some of the sexual tension displayed between herself and Lasat, for their covert glances cannot be considered love in any sense of the word, no matter how loose.

Doshon: A man after Aristotle’s own heart. Doshon is a historian, strictly following ancient regimes and codes. He is a staunch supported of aristocracy and takes his beliefs to an almost extreme level, shunning all other propositions. He takes his ancient studies so far as to wear nothing but the robes of the ancient, Earth dwelling Greeks. His tone is always serious, as if all he speaks is factual. Doshon is never seen apart from a large, unmarked book, rumored to be a chronicle of his own design, written in the style of Plato‘s The Republic (It may be lying on the table throughout the production). Doshon writes fluently in Latin, one of ancient Greece’s post conquered languages, and exercises this knowledge often in his speech. He is aged compared to the other committee members, granting his name ample respect and renown. His adamantine personality is what keeps him his position on the Governmental Creation Sub-Committee. Doshon is denoted the “Elder” of the committee, granting him the honors of opening and conducting meetings. One suggestion that may aid in the recreation of Doshon is to keep in mind the idea of a Native American tribal elder. He does have the continual habit of referring to his own wisdom as if his words are folk sayings. The regality and dress should be reflected in Doshon’s unscripted manner and scripted speech.

Hotar: Hotar is the meekest member of the Governmental Creation Sub-Committee, and the most likely candidate for future intelligence. He listens carefully and honestly attempts to vote toward the best decision in most situations. The exception arises when Hotar feels the need to impress or otherwise gain favor with certain fellow committee members. This occasional ‘need to please’ has an unfortunate affect on several voting outcomes, although no effect to date has been significant enough to note. Unlike Lasat, he has no double allegiance and truly works for the people. Hotar carefully considers what both Doshon and Alorun say, especially considering Alorun’s criticisms and noting them diligently. In appearance, he is a slightly bookish fellow, sporting spectacles of some sort, and always looking slightly unsure of himself. He keeps a notebook open at all times, jotting down any comments that sound important in the least. No one considers his political power a real threat, although the committee is constantly drawing attention his way, perhaps unintentionally, perhaps symbolically. Hotar has always secretly harbored a love for the old American mesh of government, a mixture of a Republic and Democracy and dreams of eventually recreating it and correcting its flaws. His propositions to the committee reflect this to some extent, though not as strongly as, say, Doshon’s aristocratic obsession (He has never gone so far as so swear by, say, Abraham Lincoln). Hotar’s two arguable flaws are his knacks for dwelling for great lengths on things already decided, and tendency to bring up completely unrelated topics into play, flaws that cause the others to question his efficiency as a subcommittee member.

Lasat: Lasat is the youngest committee member, aged closest to Alorun, gaining his position through a radical support group known as The Alliance for Arcane Justice. Lasat remains a staunch supporter of this group, sharing nearly all their beliefs and their constant hunger for power. He prides himself on his ability to paint a perfect picture of government, hiding all blemishes with colorful words and speech. He does, however, descend to using ridiculous metaphors in his rants. Alorun remains his lifelong enemy, as Alorun typically sees through his designs, revealing their weaknesses to the others in the committee. Despite this animosity on Alorun’s part, Lasat continues to resort to cajoling to persuade others to vote in agreement, often matching Alorun’s insults with a game of his own in which he refers to her as a love interest. This ploy may, perhaps, not be as false as he attempts to make it appear, as both Alorun and Lasat share many of the same traits and seem to secretly enjoy playing opposites of each other. In appearance, his clothing fits his personality. It reflects the very meaning of suave, accompanied casually by slick, preferably black, hair. His clothing should be regal, but not elaborate and a noticeable ensigna should be positioned on his left breast, signifying his belief in The Alliance of Arcane Justice, which should always maintain a terrorist sort of shadow. This ensigna should blatantly contrast with the rest of his outfit, reflecting the two-faced personality he maintains. In speech, Lasat must maintain a booming voice, using plenty of gestures, and pulling off a very salesman-like stance. Even his insults must remain positive in tone.

Basic Setting:

The backdrop should be comprised of simple, gray washed walls, preferably three separate pieces angled inward. The table should be dull colored and simple, covered with important looking papers, Doshon’s book (among other, unmarked novels), Hotar’s notebook, and surrounded by chairs (The design of the chairs is not set). Cups of water must also be laid there, and used at the actor’s discretion, particularly Anosah’s, as he suffers the most vocally challenging bits. The water, however, must be kept in cups, not bottles, as that would give the play a time period. The door at the back of the room must be functional. Its accompanying window can be covered simply by a colored (preferably red) piece of tissue paper. The stage crew can choose convenient times to walk behind during the production, creating anonymous shadows to create the effect of an outside world still at work. One light should be focused on each of the actors onstage, a darker color may be chosen for Lasat to show his darker side, but it is not required. Furthermore, if the director wishes to emphasize the differences between characters and there ever changing alliances, the lights may alternate throughout the production, certain hues reflecting the character’s current emotion.

Scene One:

[Lasat, Alorun, Anosah, and Hotar are sitting around the staff table. Lasat is beaming and speaking excitedly with Anosah, Hotar is sketching in an open notebook and occasionally taking bites out of a blueberry crumpet that sits adjacent to him on the table, and Alorun is lounging in her chair looking incredibly bored.]

Lasat: So I was thinking that the Alliance should get some uniforms designed.

Anosah: [Screws up his forehead in thought for a short second before expressing a look of pure discovery] Matching uniforms?

Lasat: Most likely. I was thinking that we’d go for the suave, metallic look! Maybe with a little embroidery done right here [Motions to his left breast]. I think my gran-gran could sew up a few hundred of them. It would save my organization money if they could avoid the commercial route.

Anosah: Too true.

Alorun: It might work better if your grandmother wasn’t serving time in an intergalactic prison for illegally cloning those wallabies last year.

Hotar: [Glances up, speaking through a mouthful of muffin] Well, she does have a significant amount of free time.

Anosah: Hey, Hotar? You’ve got a little something right here. [Motions to the large amount of blueberry crumpet crumbling down Hotar’s chin.]

Lasat: And you, Anosah, interested in joining The Alliance for Arcane Justice?

Anosah: Depends. Do they have a theme song?

Lasat: Erm..no. But…but… [Peps up and reverts to his advertisement worthy voice] we’ll be sure to get one!

Anosah: Really? Gee, that sounds grea…

Alorun: [Interrupts with a sigh of impatience] Where is Doshon? That man is older than time itself and moves at half time’s pace.

Hotar: [Brushing the crumbs from his lips with a sleeve] If the meeting isn’t going to start anytime soon, can I go get some more blueberry crumpets? [He receives annoyed looks from all in the room]

Doshon: [Doshon enters the room slowly, standing in front of his seat with a dull expression on his face. He takes a deep breath before speaking quickly as if he has said this introduction a thousand times] Welcome to the ninety-third congressional conclave in the year of our beloved Protector, Saugi the Hypochondriac, [Title spoken quickly in a slightly quieter undertone, as if it is merely an annoyance to refer to the death of germs at every mention of Saugi’s name] may germs meet their bane. I now call The Governmental Creation Sub-Committee into session. We are here to discuss governmental policies that need be deemed suitable for the newly colonized land mass of…of… [Doshon waves his hands, at a loss for a name]

Lasat: [With a laugh that sounds hearty, but is obviously faked for good measure] Rest easy, Old Timer Doshon, it has not been named.

Alorun: [Speaking with obvious scorn] And that, Lasat, would be credited to your organization’s… [Turning to her brother, Anosah] what do you term it?

Anosah: It was termed [Uses his fingers to emphasis the quotes] “questionable activity,” sister.

Alorun: Aye, [Slams a fist into the table in one quick motion] questionable activity.

Lasat: Alorun, Alorun, Alorun, [Speaking and motioning as if reassuring] you rely much to heavily on the media for your information. [Rests a hand to his heart and sports a very innocent look] We do nothing wrong. The Alliance for Arcane Justice does nothing but promote the peace and welfare of the people. [Alorun waves this comment off, having already made her point]

Anosah: In such a case, it should have an uplifting motto and suitable theme song.

Doshon: [Glances upward and releases an audible sigh] Aristotle, spare us!

Lasat: [Forwards a quick glare to Doshon] You had a suggestion?

Anosah: Oh yes, I was thinking that…

Hotar: Pardon my interruption, perhaps we had better begin? [Nudges his glasses back to the rim of his nose]

Doshon: Yes, yes, you’re quite right, Hotar. Alorun? Lasat? [Glances to each in turn] Either restrain yourselves or continue your feuding outside.

Alorun: Sounds plausible. [Stands as if to leave] Lasat, would you prefer the precariously high rooftop or the front grounds filled with camera persons?

Lasat: [For once he is caught off guard and must resort to stuttering. He must noticeably sit back, stunned] Well…I…I…

Anosah: Sister, he has suffered enough under your word-crafted whip, let him go.

Alorun: Peace, Anosah. [She regains her seat] I have never desired to tame a pet with the courage of poultry anyway. [Lasat reddens as this, leans forward, and opens his mouth to respond]

Hotar: [Interrupts with a foolhardy comment] I raised a pet chicken once. [The group lapses into silence for several moments at this, staring blankly at Hotar. Hotar reddens and looks down to his notebook] But..erm..he died, end of story.

Anosah: [Breaking the silence with a short chorus of Disney‘s The Lion King]

‘It's the circle of life

And it moves us all

Through despair and hope’…

Aloron: [Clears her throat loudly to interrupt Anosah, an offense of which he does not appear to mark.] Well, that was certainly memorable, brother.

Hotar: Yes, something that need be recorded in the annals [Must be pronounced ‘anals’] of our committee’s history.

Doshon: Do you not mean annals [Pronounced correctly], good Hotar?

Hotar: [Turns back to his notebook, speaking as an afterthought.] Oh no, not at all.

Doshon: I agree heartily. ‘But time flows as quickly as a river. It cannot be held back by any dam,’ as my people would say. Let us move back to political matters. And…

Alorun: [Anosah leaps up energetically]…as always, my brother has a proposition. [Sighs audibly and speaks with cushioned sarcasm. Anosah is, after all, her brother.] Astound us, Anosah.

Anosah: [Begins pacing around, throwing grand gestures] Once again friends, [Pauses momentarily, then adds…] and Lasat, we are presented with a land free of all political form. We are free to act as gods, free to chose paths that this land will take forever! What an honor, what a privilege, what a great….

Doshon: Anosah, cubitas, we will begin as always. ’Habit treads the path of success’, as my people say. We must choose a basic government standard for this land to follow. [Anosah looks slightly down heartened at being interrupted, and takes his seat, he immediately perks up as the conversation continues.]

Alorun: [Aside] Pray, remind me to thank the old man for sparing us that. My brother has a long wind as you shall soon discover.

Hotar: If I remember correctly, the standards from which we are choosing are democracy, oligarchy, timocracy, autocracy, democracy, or aristocracy.

Lasat: [Recovered from his lapse] My friend, I believe you mentioned democracy twice. Revealing a little, misled favoritism, sport? [Nudges Hotar jokingly in the side]

Hotar: What? No, I…I… [Again, Hotar loses his nerve, resorting again to absorbing himself in his notebook]

Lasat: [Shrugging off the abashed Hotar] Well, I put my vote toward an oligarchy. It always seems to work best, and I am sure that The Alliance for Arcane Justice will fully support my decision. I am sure they will even offer to manage the creation of said government, if we put forth a request.

Alorun: [Sitting, hands to her temples, speaks as if all she is stating is obvious] Why, of course they would offer to manage it, they’ve nothing else to corrupt.

Lasat: [aside] Alorun, it would seem, enjoys having the upper hand. [Stand up and comes forward, to the edge of the stage] I have recently discovered a weapon with which to successfully combat her. Rest assured, there is no [A stutter of sorts is preferred when Lasat is speaking the words ’true’ and ’feeling’] true feeling behind this new device. It is merely a whim to catch her off guard. Mark yourselves as warned. [Resumes his seat]

Anosah: Now, now, sister, Lasat here was merely suggesting what he thinks best concerning his choice of government. Which sparks a thought in my mind for a suitable motto; [Holds his hand up, side by side, making two L‘s with his thumbs and forefingers] “The Alliance. We help people.”

Alorun: Yes, right off a cliff.

Lasat: [With a broad grin, emphasis on the word ‘dear‘] Only if they wish it, my dear.

Alorun: [In a very motherish-parody of a tone. Points at Lasat while speaking.] Don’t you use that pronoun with me, Lasat.

Lasat: [Smiles all the wider, inclining his head, and flourishing his hand slightly.] As you wish, [Spoken with emphasis] my love.

Anosah: [Glancing uncertainly from his sister to Lasat who, at this time, are glaring, unhindered at each other. Lasat with a smug smile and Alorun with uncontained malice.] And in other political news, Doshon was about to vote.

Doshon: [Standing slowly, regally leaning upon his staff, his robes hanging loose around. All immediately turn their attention to their elder.] I support the writings of Aristotle, the blesséd Earth’s own ancient Greek. Aristocracy is our only viable option, the only path to a productive society. All would be flawless, life would be ideal. Society would be irreproachable! Pax! And, as my people would say, ‘History holds many things meant to deceive and become lost, but those things that are right and true are meant to be upheld.’

Hotar: [Does not glance up from his notebook] And I, for one, would to know who his ‘people’ are exactly and where they surmise these ridiculous sayings.

Anosah: People in his head if you ask me.

Hotar: [Glances up with a questioning look] The ones in my head have yet to surmise the like. [As Anosah stares questioningly, Hotar taps his head as an afterthought, and then returns to his notebook. The others seem not to have noticed this short exchange.]

Lasat: [With yet another advertisement-worthy laugh] Doshon, old timer, what would you call this government? The Perfected and Still Perfect Brotherhood of Unsurpassed Perfection? Honestly, now, today’s world will not accept it. My generation thinks big, plans big! A small, self-serving, self-respecting, self-sustaining, self-governing [Hotar whistles in amazement] community is not part of the grand plan. Exportation and importation, economy, old man, economy! That is where a true society’s power lies! In currency. With money comes power. Economy is the pith, the only true aspect worth pursuing. [Lost in his tirade, Lasat misses Alorun’s next comment. Allow him to continue motioning, the others watching with rapt attention.]

Alorun: [Places an elbow on the table, speaking to the audience with emphasized sarcasm] And yet, here we sit. [Motions around at the group] Arguing political set ups when we could be out mowing lawns for pocket cash! How useless I suddenly feel.

Lasat: [Obliviously continuing his tirade] Money, as I said, is the key to all! Have diplomatic problems? A little money covers the gap! It’s like…like… [Raises a fist in the air] instant macaroni, but instead of water, you add money! Instant ally, instant military support, and instant happiness abound. [Short silence during which Lasat grins at each person in turn, expecting a positive response.]

Hotar: [Glances up from his notebook, doling out a complimentary push to his ever slipping spectacles.] Erm…macaroni?

Alorun: He uses what he knows when it comes to metaphors.

Hotar: Ah… [Adds a note to his notebook]

Lasat: [Continuing his act] My love, why so cold? You threaten to leave my heart rent in two.

Alorun: [Raises an eyebrow] I’ll rent more than that if given the chance.

Lasat: Nay, you need not rent it, I will give it willingly.

Alorun: I’d as soon as pawn it off, Lasat. The slave trade is a booming market of late.

Lasat: [Wagging a finger, smiling all the while.] Tut, tut, Alorun. Bondage is not something we shall discuss in public.

Anosah: [Breaking in with another annoying chorus. In response he receives a deathly glare from Alorun. Disney‘s The Lion King]

‘Can you feel the love tonight?

You needn't look too far

Stealing through the night's uncertainties

Love is where they are’

[Anosah assumes as idiotic grin, as if he has just solved the current problem.]

Doshon: Silentium, Amicus! Might I distract your attention back to the matter at hand? Politics!

Hotar: Thank you, Doshon. I feared we had been consumed by a romantic conflict.

Lasat: [Retorting in perfect sync with Alorun] Something you’d know nothing about, I am sure.

Alorun: [Retorting in perfect sync with Lasat] Something you’d know nothing about, I am sure. [A silence ensues in which Alorun glares at the grinning Lasat. Hotar merely flinches and continues writing in his notebook.]

Doshon: Now Anosah, before your musical detour, you were about to make a suggestion on which government we should choose, were you not?

Anosah: I vote we scrap everything designed by our predecessors! We’re brilliant, we can invent something new. Say… [Scratches his head for several seconds, followed by a cliché snap of the fingers]…The Coalition of Shires. Grand, eh?

Alorun: [Motions lightly with her hand] Down, Frodo. Coalition would signify a timocracy.

Anosah: Aye, and we can’t have that, can we? So unoriginal and overused. Which gives me another idea for sub-committee motto “The Governmental Creation Sub-Committee, where we use nothing old.”

Lasat: [Motions to Doshon with a faked smile, as if he is not initiating an insult] And yet, here sits Doshon! [Receives a look of annoyance from Doshon]

Doshon: In case you have not noticed, Lasat, good ideas carry on throughout the ages. Ancient ideals tend to be the very heart of efficacy in all our daily routines. Take the Greeks for example. They were, as my people say, [Anosah and Hotar exchange a knowing glance] ‘The beginning of a great civilization, our civilization, life. The heart and soul of success in contained within the past.’

Hotar: And, thus, that novel of yours? [Doshon protectively gathers the book to his chest, hugging it protectively]

Alorun: That is something that I have been meaning to question you of, Doshon. What of your rumored book-to-be?

Doshon: It is a dictum of ideal of government, nothing more.

Anosah: Obsessed with the geek ideals, I assume?

Hotar: ‘Greeks,’ Anosah, ‘Greeks.’

Lasat: Entirely two different things, my lad. The Greeks are a dead breed, the geeks still walk among us. [Points expressively to Hotar with any limb the director sees fit]

Doshon: Yes, it does in fact favor the Greeks, something has to. The Greeks are, in fact, a lost culture. This is very interesting because of their gre..

Alorun: [Interrupting] Yes, yes, it is the same with every civilization tale. A nation becomes great and experiences a downfall. Do not harry us with detail.

Hotar: [Fervently, and noisily, flips pages in his notebook, scanning for a particular note] Ah, an oversight!

Doshon: And yet again we see that nothing is new under the sun. What is it, Hotar?

Hotar: You agreed with Lasat, a notably historic event, I might add. An oligarchy would essentially be an aristocracy. That sets the toll as two votes in agreement.

Alorun: Not in Lasat’s case. [A smirk can be exhibited at the actor’s discretion] An aristocracy in the truest sense contains an intelligent [emphasized] few, something he could never hope to accomplish with The Alliance for Arcane Justice.

Lasat: I beg your pardon!

Alorun: [Speaks her first statement quickly, as if it is merely a fact to be passed over] And I refuse to give it. [Turns immediately to Hotar] What is your vote for, Hotar?

Hotar: I…I vote for an aristocracy as well. [Looks hopefully toward Lasat, fearing retribution for having disagreed with his decision. Lasat merely glances away]

Anosah: Sounds great. Cast my vote for the majority. It is, after all, a new practice for us all to agree on something simultaneously.

Alorun: And I abstain from the vote.

Doshon: Veritas. It is done. [Looking upward, raising a fist in triumph] Aristocracy is the new system, my liege, Aristotle. Bear my gift with pleasure.

Lasat: [His false seriousness must be emphasized. Lasat lowers his eyes during his beginning statement, as if in sadness.] In this, we are making a grave mistake, but I will bear it for the good of all. [Sits up energetically, slyly glancing at Anosah, of whom, he is sure, will react.] Although, the Autoanarchic Protectorate seemed a suitable name for an autocracy…

Anosah: Ooh, sounds impressive. [Looks pointedly to Doshon] Can we should revote for that?

Doshon: Pax. The vote is already complete.

Alorun: Not to mention, an Autoarnarchic Protectorate is an impossible combination. The bipartisanism could consist of nothing more than the party of Unenthusiastic Evil doers and the Kleptomaniac Good. [A moment of silence in which all stare at Alorun. She merely looks smug.]

Hotar: Brilliant contradictions! [Glances at Anosah] Hand me that dictionary will you? [Anosah may pick up any one of the various books upon the table. He must hand it to Hotar who can flip through it at his discretion.]

Doshon: [Checking one of the various papers scattered about the table] The first order of business is to establish is trade. What shall this land deal in? [A brief silence in which all ponder the question]

Anosah: The exportation of moon rocks? I could think of some great slogans. “The Colony, where our moon rocks are better than yours.”

Hotar: Moon rocks? In none of the several thousand texts I’ve read, has any civilization survived by selling moon rocks. A few lunar gift shops perhaps, but never an entire population!

Alorun: The colony is a desolate rock of a world discovered right in the middle of some anonymous sector or other. They have nothing else.

Hotar: Nothing whatsoever?

Anosah: For their plight, I believe they deserve a verse or so. [He stands, on the table if wished, and breaks out in verse. Disney’s The Little Mermaid]

‘Poor unfortunate souls

In pain

In need

This one longing to be thinner

That one wants to get the girl

And do we help them?

Yes, indeed

Those poor unfortunate souls’

Alorun: [Lapses into a short silence at Anosah’s conclusion, allowing Anosah to take his seat once more. She then continues without mentioning the performance.] We wouldn’t be here if they did have a worthy export. Had the discovery been important, one galactic industry or other would have simply absorbed it. Does the word [Emphasized] sub committee ring a bell?

Hotar: I suddenly feel insecure.

Lasat: Yeah, I’m sure that’s new for you.

Anosah: [Swings his arm in rhythm as he again breaks into song. Disney‘s version of Annie]

‘It's the hard knock life for us!

It's the hard knock life for us!’

Lasat: [With emphasis and a mortified look.] Anyway! [Offers as if the sacrifice would be great] The Alliance for Arcane Justice will surely provide an economic export for this land. We’re always there to aid if need be.

Alorun: I am sure they can bankrupt themselves quite easily without your help.

Anosah: The people will be glad to accept the help of your organization I am sure, Lasat.

Hotar: [Forgetting to glance up from his notebook] Labor could perhaps be vended.

Anosah: [Bringing her hands together as if in prayer, adding a nod in as she completes her statement.] Then let us pray the colonists are a trim lot.

Doshon: Then we shall let them decide between the two. Agreed? [All, but Alorum nod] Good. Now defense, how shall it be maintained?

Anosah: [Proclaims in an almost hypnotic tone, nodding slowly all the while.] Guns, big ones.

Lasat: The Alliance has some stashed somewhere or other, and we will sell them readily.

Hotar: Neutrality seems a better course.

Lasat: We sell that too.

Alorun: [Snorts] It might help had they the means to afford it.

Lasat: The Alliance can loan them money.

Alorun: [aside] Now observe. They will all completely miss the folly of his plan.

Doshon: Sounds perfect [Alorun looks toward the audience pointedly at this], now for education.

Anosah: Implant chips can be shipped in from the capital.

Hotar: [Looking up from his notebook, blatantly alarmed] Implant chips are still a new invention and not fully tested. Do you consider that safe?

Anosah: New means better, does it not?

Lasat: [Pats Anosah on the back] I like the way you think, sport. Ever think of joining The Alliance?

Alorun: He can’t even spell alliance.

Lasat: Nevertheless, keep your interest open, Anosah.

Alorun: [Slams the table in a rare show of emotion] He will not!

Lasat: [Calmly smirks] And yet, I see he is considering it.

Hotar: [Glances at Anosah along with everyone else. Anosah is, at the moment, folding a paper airplane out of one of the various papers scattered across the table. He, again, pushes his glances back to a comfortable position on the brim of his nose.] Perhaps I have been misinformed all my life, but that is most definitely not even feigned consideration in my eyes.

Doshon: Your words ring true, Hotar. And as my people say, ‘The truest words ring best when spoken.’ [Lasat gives a disgruntle mumble in response]

Hotar: Thank you, sir. Now, Anosah was proposing implant chips. I, for one, am uncertain whether the use of such chips will be productive to society. Reports, as of now, are not reflecting positive results.

Doshon: As long as the hallowed language Latin is inscribed upon these chips in addition to the standard curriculums for galactic education program, No Brain Cells Left Behind, they shall be accepted by my terms. Now, what do we institute in Human Services?

Alorun: There will not be enough humans there to constitute a Human Service program merely leave it untouched.

Hotar: They will be a very sad people at that rate and, yet, I see your point.

Anosah: If Hotar can see it through those spectacles of his, it must be so. [Spins off another motto paired with all his typical motions.] ‘Hotar, he never misses the blatantly obvious.’

Doshon: Congruo. How shall their justice system be designed?

Hotar: I propose a judicial system in which there are a series of courts preceded by…

Alorun: [Snorts audibly before interjecting] And what serious crime would there be on a desolate moon colony? What would they steal? Moon rocks? Who would they kill that would yield them gain? Even in that case, what could they afford to slay each other with?

Anosah: They could always bludgeon each other with moon rocks.

Alorun: In which case, the society consists of morons and does not deserve to exist. Problem solved, day wasted. [Sits back in her chair, ruffled slightly by the thought.]

Doshon: Personal Management? [Long silence]

Lasat: And their department does what exactly?

Doshon: They…well…you know…they…

Hotar: Perhaps it is a department merely designed to funnel ample money from the system to balance the economy?

Alorun: They have no economy from which to funnel.

Anosah: [Breaks, yet again, into song. Disney’s It’s a Small World]

‘It's a small world after all

it's a small world after all

it's a small wor..’

Alorun: [Interrupts] Anosah?

Anosah: Yes?

Alorun: Shut up, brother.

Anosah: [Slightly flustered at his sister’s words.] I am sure they will be fine without a Personal Management Department.

Lasat: And if not, the Alliance can fill it with a youth program much like our one in Garenmy.

Doshon: Agreed. It can be re-instituted when the land has money to burn. How fares everyone’s opinion of Social Security? [Strokes beard should the director give him one] I like it rather well myself…it pays for my high speed Internet hookup.

Alorun: There’s not a chance that anyone over the age of thirty will stay on that rock, unless circumstances prevent it.

Hotar: True, it would simply be another drain on governmental funds.

Alorun: Funds that don’t actually exist mind you.

Lasat: The Alliance can provide jobs for those with a disposition to stay. [Strokes his clean shaven chin for a moment before continuing] Create a Social Security program and let it remain as untapped reassurance. No resident will ever meet the requirements or even live within the programs borders when they come of age.

Anosah: That could actually work. Perhaps the Supreme Congregation should improvise that. Maybe then our community would have some pocket change.

Alorun: [The first sentence must be extremely sarcastic] Yes, pocket change to dole out on other, more profitable things. [Snatches up a random paper from the table] The luxury of chauffeurs to tow our officials up and down the street to play with the neighbors alone topped two billion dollars. Two billion dollars better spent on, say, giving us an agreeable salary.

Hotar: Or put toward solving galactic hunger?

Lasat: [Hopefully speaking] Or funding well-meant political groups?

Doshon: Or funding the rejuvenation of lost, ancient cultures? Like Greek?

Anosah: [Momentary silence in which everyone glances toward Anosah, waiting for an addition] I can follow this no longer, my head aches. [Touches a hand to his head]

Doshon: Rest easy, this is the final stretch. How shall a postal net be established?

Alorun: Signal fires are efficient and cheap. And moon rocks burn quite well.

Hotar: But the chances of the message actually getting received is…

Lasat: [Interrupts bluntly] It will save money, I like it. [Attempts to egg Alorun into another outburst] I would expect nothing less intelligent from my significant other.

Alorun: Never fear. We will never ask the same insight from you.

Doshon: [Speaking in a tone signifying an end to the argument] And finally, how shall our officials be chosen? This is an aristocracy, remember?

Alorun: [In perfect sync with Anosah] Marble test.

Anosah: [In perfect sync with Alorun] Marble test.

Hotar: Marble test?

Anosah: Yes, it is a brilliant concoction.

Alorun: Especially for these people.

Lasat: How does this system work? Perhaps my group can improvise it?

Alorun: Yes, I am sure it will work quite well in both regards. The process is simply executed. A neutral party stands squarely in front of a government official candidate and puts in a marble in one hand, closing it around the marble like so [Motions all steps] and holds the other hand visibly open, like so. The question put forth is simple as well. ‘Which hand is the marble in?’

Anosah: It is a brilliant test! Half the currently elected officials would fail it without question. It immediately weeds out the unqualified. I personally love it!

Hotar: I love it!

Doshon: I love it!

Lasat: I hate it.

Alorun: I hate you. [Glares pointedly at Lasat]

Doshon: Well, [Clears his throat and gathers up several papers from the table, stacking them neatly.] it would seem our ninety-third meeting is concluded. In the lobby there are complimentary crumpets, ever-so-kindly paid for by the government, available for our consumption. [All stand, but Hotar.]

Hotar: [Speaks slowly] Blueberry crumpets?

Doshon: Most likely. [Doshon speaks as he exits. Hotar leaps up quickly, knocking over his chair, and forgetting his notebook. He exits quickly, following Doshon. Anosah shrugs, stands, and saunters out after them.]

Lasat: I will have to decline the invitation [Salutes as he begins to follow Anosah out], I have an Alliance operation to conduct.

Alorun: A little late night terrorism before bed?

Lasat: [Laughs heartily] Something like that. [Salutes loosely again as he exits]

Alorun: [Lifts Doshon’s forgotten novel from the table, hefting it with a small smile. She carefully aims and throws it through the open doorway Lasat just exited. A yelp of pain is heard and a thump may precede it. Alorun then turns to the audience for a last minute aside, smugly smiling.] And, yet again, my friends, good literature acts as the savior of government. [She salutes smugly and exits as the lights dim.]