Not Today
by Brianna D.

She lazily gazed out the smudged windows of the dusty school bus. The noise from the group of high school students was almost deafening, but the sound didn’t seem to reach her ears. She was off in another world, or perhaps she was just feeling the effects of the early morning. As the bus pulled into the school, she awoke from her reverie and gathered up her belongings. “All right,” the disgruntled bus driver said with a relieved sigh “time for all you miscreants to get off my bus.” At 5’8, Jamie Craig was considered tall. Her straw-colored hair, piercing blue eyes, and slender build made for a graceful appearance.

This was not to be a typical school day…for her at least. She had a cross-country meet, which would relieve her from her classes early. Normally excited for these races, she was feeling somewhat apprehensive. The reason for her nervousness was the fact that this was the District race. It all came down to today’s race. Everything she had worked for, all the sweat, aches, and pains that she had battled and trained through, led up to this race. If she didn’t advance to Regions, her season was over.

As she spun the combination on her locker, she went through the checklist one more time in her head. Ate pasta last night…check, water…double check, sweats…check, iPod…check!, banana…check. “Hey Jamie!” some of her friends called to her as she loaded some books into her backpack.

“Hi guys,” she said with a feigned cheery disposition.

“Ready for the big race today?” they inquired while landing some playful punches on her shoulders.

“Yeah, totally,” she answered, pretending to be calm and collected.

“Good luck, we’ll be rooting for you,” they yelled over their shoulders as they walked to their classes.

Jamie walked into her first class and sat down. Glancing at the clock, she calculated that there were 48 minutes until she would be dismissed from class. She settled in for the wait. She had always been an excellent student, and as a sophomore in high school, schoolwork was one of her primary focuses. Also an exceptional athlete (especially when it came to running) this morning found that her entire mind was centered on today’s meet.

When the time came, she quietly slipped out of the classroom and headed back to her locker. As she gathered up her gear, she felt the butterflies creep back into her stomach. She knew she shouldn’t be nervous, after all, she had run more than twice this distance in practice. 3.1 miles should be a piece of cake, but still, her season was riding on this one performance.

She scanned the parking lot for her teammates and found them leaning against the bus that would serve as their transportation. Most of the boys were goofing off, and the girls seemed as nonchalant as ever. Was it just her that was feeling this sickening sensation of nervousness? “Hey Jaim,” her teammates greeted her with her nickname “good thing you finally showed up, we were getting worried.”

“I’m two minutes late, relax,” she said with mock irritation.

As they boarded the bus, she tried to get her thoughts under control, but the swirling mass of emotions proved hard to suppress. She chose a seat near the front of the bus because she didn’t much feel like talking. Digging her iPod out of her book bag, she settled in for the drive. Again finding herself staring out smudged windows, she let herself be swept away by the soothing sound of Enya’s voice and the calming blend of fall colors on the trees.

All too soon, they were pulling in to their destination. When she got off the bus, she dumped her stuff on the grassy earth beneath her. After helping to put up the tent and sign bearing her school’s name, she followed the other girls as their coach led them on a course review. Again, she let herself fall into a trance. This course was already very familiar to her; she knew it like the back of her hand. After all, they had practiced here many times before and she had even raced here once or twice. At least she had a bit of an advantage over some of the other teams: she knew where all of the hills were, where to pick it up, and where to pass. It was all about getting herself mentally ready now. She had already done everything possible to prepare herself physically; two months of hard training and a strict, no junk food diet had given her that.

Right now she was searching for something to psych herself up with. Who was she doing this for? Why did she join cross-country? They were good questions but she didn’t quite know how to answer them. She knew she was running to feel good about herself and because she loved running in general, but could it be more than that? Did she run because she wanted to see praise and admiration in the eyes of her peers? Did she put herself through this stress and pain so she could belong to a group of people who shared her common interests? Those things were nice, but they weren’t the real reason for her being a part of this team. She did it because she loved the freedom that running gave her.

Even before joining the cross country team, Jamie had run on her own. One day, though, while jogging around a lake, she realized that she really had a passion for running. That was when she had decided to sign up for her school’s cross country team. That was last year when she had proved herself and her gift for running to the team. This year, though, it was about proving herself to, well, herself. How good was she really? Was she a good enough runner to take on 15 different schools from across the district and emerge in the top 15? Today’s race and how well she did in it would provide the answer.

When the course review was over, the girls’ team veered off from the pack to begin their warm-up. Their race was first, so they had to loosen up and stretch now. The warm-up was normally just a mile, and today was no different. She loved the warm-ups because they helped alleviate the pains and aches of stiff joints and muscles. When they were done warming up, they headed back to the tent to do their stretches and get their uniforms ready. After completing all of her stretches, she hesitantly began to pull off her warm-up sweats. The crisp autumn air bit into her flesh, numbing her fingers, arms, legs, and nose.

Since their uniforms only consisted of lightweight shorts and tank tops, the runners had no protection from the driving winds. They relied on the body heat generated by running to keep them warm.

She jogged in place while she looked to see which teams had arrived. Concluding that all but one team had shown up, she waited on her teammates to finish stretching and get their spikes on. Her race was scheduled to start in 15 minutes and this only sent another sickening shot of nervousness into her gut.

A few moments later she and the rest of the girls’ team headed to the starting line. Once there, they proceeded to do some plyos, just some simple high knees and butt kicks. She set her watch on timer mode. Her coach came over to give them a pep talk and their goals for split times. “Now Jamie,” said her coach as she turned to face her most capable runner “we want you to get below 20 minutes. That means you’ll have to knock off 50 seconds. I know that’s asking a lot, but it’s Districts and I have faith in you. You can do it, right?” her coach asked, though it was more of a statement than a question.

“Yes ma’am, I’ll give it all I’ve got,” she responded, knowing that there was only one right answer to this question.

“Good, I know you will,” smiled her coach.

Once she was finished talking to the rest of the girls, the coach gave each of them a good luck hug. The coach then headed out to the first mile where she would be waiting to give them their time. The girls huddled in for their own traditional pep talk. After psyching each other up, they lined themselves up according to their speed and ability. Jamie found herself in the front and started to wonder if it was really such a good thing. On one hand, it meant she was fast…and that was what she wanted, but on the other hand, that meant that there was a lot of pressure from her coach, parents, and teammates to do well. “Hey,” her teammates called to her “are you gonna win for us today or what? We might not let you come back if you don’t,” they said in playful jest.

“You bet,” she replied. It was almost as if her teammates had read her thoughts. Although they were just joking, she knew that even if they didn’t say it to her face, they were counting on her to do something spectacular here at Districts. This was not helping to calm her.

She quickly snapped out of her pessimism as the starter walked onto the field. He quickly wished them all good luck and raised the gun into the air. There were two commands: runners set and go. As the first command left his lips, she closed her eyes. Though less than a second apart, these spaces between ‘runners set’ and ‘go’ seemed like an eternity. She thought about how, in a few milliseconds, she would be going from a complete standstill to hurling her body through the air as fast as she could. She opened her eyes as he fired the gun and dropped the flag.

This was one of the most exciting parts, racing to get into positions before the open field narrowed into a path only wide enough for two people. This particular course had a giant field that lasted for about 150 yards before emptying the runners at the base of a long, steep hill. As she powered her body up the knoll, the euphoria she had felt only a few moments before began to subside as the path before her began to narrow.

She was still breathing well, but her legs began to ache from the steep incline and her fingers were frozen from the cold. The first mile was always the hardest for her. Everything ached and she wanted to stop running. But she couldn’t. The word ‘quit’ wasn’t in her vocabulary. She was too disciplined. Besides, she was almost done with the first mile.

Her breathing became labored and her thoughts began to swim in an incoherent jumble in her head. “…almost there…just keep going…you can do it…” She kept saying these things over and over to herself. Her lungs felt like they were about to burst and her arms throbbed from the force of pumping. She could see her coach twenty yards ahead. As her time was called out, a wall went up. Suddenly nothing hurt and all her thoughts were focused on keeping her legs going in a steady rhythm, leaving no room to think of anything besides her race right here, right now. The anxiety that had been tormenting her was gone, leaving her free to run.

She focused on the girls in front of her…only ten feet separated her from them. Knowing she needed to speed up and pass these girls, she focused her energy and made her legs go faster. It hurt, but the pain would be worth it if she did well. She overtook her opponents in a few short bounds and focused her attention on the next girl in front of her. …five feet, she could do this. Again passing, she continued doing this until she found herself in sixteenth place. Only the top fifteen runners advanced to Regions, so she had to pass the girl in front of her. The only problem was that the girl was about forty feet in the lead.

This is what it all boiled down to. Her head cleared for a moment as she began to think of her options. She could either be satisfied with her position of 16th place and continue this pace, accepting defeat, or she could fight. This is why racing was both mentally and physically demanding. There comes a time in every race that a runner has to decide if they want to put themselves through a tremendous amount of pain, going faster than their body is telling them they can, or give in and slow down. It takes a runner with a lot of heart to make the first decision.

She felt like she was going as fast as possible, but was she really? As they neared the last hill, she knew it was now or never. There were only 200 yards to the finish line, so she had to make her move now. She closed her eyes and summoned up her strength. Gritting her teeth, she plunged ahead. Surging up the hill, adrenaline coursed through her veins. The distance between her the girl in front of her gradually began to diminish as her feet brought her closer to the finish line. Soon, she was neck and neck with the girl. Both of them were breathing furiously as they ran in a dead sprint towards the finish. With only forty feet left, she began to tire, feeling her legs becoming dead weights. But she had to finish, she wanted this so bad. Again, she closed her eyes as she dug deep inside herself. Not today. Today she refused to let herself be beat. She forced her legs to go faster and faster until she could no longer feel them. She inched her way in front of her adversary until she was a foot ahead. In her head, the words not today, not today, not today repeated over and over like a broken record.

The white line swept under her in a blur. As she tore off her number, her head began to feel dizzy and her breaths came in ragged gasps. But she had done it. She finished in 15th place; she was going to regionals. She shook hands with the girl she had just beaten and congratulated her on her effort. “You did awesome too,” the girl said “I just couldn’t hold on anymore.”

As she waited for the rest of her teammates to finish, her parents came over to tell her her official time. She had set a personal record and met the goal her coach had set for her. Twenty minutes of discomfort was well worth the happiness she was feeling now. …and to think that she had wanted to give up and succumb to pain! Not today, though. Today she finished victorious. She succeeded in overcoming her exhaustion and pain. Not today! Today she has emerged triumphant, invincible, the ultimate cross-country runner.